Honesty

I know I have said this before, but I really can not say it enough.

There is so much freedom and power in being honest. I mean being honest about everything in our lives. About ourselves. About what we feel, what we do when no one is looking. The important stuff.

I believe honesty is a huge part of changing our lifestyles for the better. Without it, we are never free to see the answers to our problems. So we stay clouded and hidden. Stuck.

It is so scary at first, to think about “outing ourselves”. It feels like we will be left vulnerable and exposed to the evil in the world. It feels like, if we let go of the secret and the things we feel are so shameful, that everyone will point and laugh and we will be left defeated and alone and empty.

That is such a huge lie that our ego tells us.

The first time I was honest about my binge eating and lack of self control, I did it because I felt like there was nowhere else to go. I had hit bottom anyway, so why not share it? I just threw it out there and waited for the hate to overtake me.

But that didn’t happen.

I was immediately filled with a power that I had never felt. A clean fresh feeling. I was left with no reason to defend myself. There was no argument left to defend. It was a fact, out in the open, and not trapped inside me. I felt freedom. Like I had just set down a 50lb boulder. No one hurt me, ridiculed me, or got angry. I was even more surprised that no one judged me.

I figured out that when that information is out there and you stand behind it with confidence, there is nothing left to knock you down.

It left me with only one option. Deal with the problem that I could now see clearly because I wasn’t so busy defending it. Then that is were the focus went. I do or I don’t. Period. The mind fuck is out of the equation. And I am free to deal with it or not.

40 lb goal

I believe that part of the “weight” that I have lost was the weight of all those hidden issues.

I was afraid that those things I was hiding would push me down if I let them go. So I buried them inside with more crappy food and poison and held them in.

But when I released them I found that I was lighter without them inside. I let the poison out and fed myself with nutritious food. My body as well as my mind became free and strong and powerful.

I know there is no magic pill for being happy and healthy, but if anything comes close, I would say that it is honesty.