I know I have said this before, but I really can not say it enough.
There is so much freedom and power in being honest. I mean being honest about everything in our lives. About ourselves. About what we feel, what we do when no one is looking. The important stuff.
I believe honesty is a huge part of changing our lifestyles for the better. Without it, we are never free to see the answers to our problems. So we stay clouded and hidden. Stuck.
It is so scary at first, to think about “outing ourselves”. It feels like we will be left vulnerable and exposed to the evil in the world. It feels like, if we let go of the secret and the things we feel are so shameful, that everyone will point and laugh and we will be left defeated and alone and empty.
That is such a huge lie that our ego tells us.
The first time I was honest about my binge eating and lack of self control, I did it because I felt like there was nowhere else to go. I had hit bottom anyway, so why not share it? I just threw it out there and waited for the hate to overtake me.
But that didn’t happen.
I was immediately filled with a power that I had never felt. A clean fresh feeling. I was left with no reason to defend myself. There was no argument left to defend. It was a fact, out in the open, and not trapped inside me. I felt freedom. Like I had just set down a 50lb boulder. No one hurt me, ridiculed me, or got angry. I was even more surprised that no one judged me.
I figured out that when that information is out there and you stand behind it with confidence, there is nothing left to knock you down.
It left me with only one option. Deal with the problem that I could now see clearly because I wasn’t so busy defending it. Then that is were the focus went. I do or I don’t. Period. The mind fuck is out of the equation. And I am free to deal with it or not.
I believe that part of the “weight” that I have lost was the weight of all those hidden issues.
I was afraid that those things I was hiding would push me down if I let them go. So I buried them inside with more crappy food and poison and held them in.
But when I released them I found that I was lighter without them inside. I let the poison out and fed myself with nutritious food. My body as well as my mind became free and strong and powerful.
I know there is no magic pill for being happy and healthy, but if anything comes close, I would say that it is honesty.
This spring has reminded me a lot of what I have been going though. One day it is sunny and warm and filled with hope and joy and promise of more warmth. I walk outside for hours and smile all day long. I am motivated and inspired and getting tan.
Within a few hours it is raining and overcast and dreary and lonely. I stay inside and am listless. I feel lazy and bored and stuck.
Then the wind blows and everything is everywhere. I am confused and chaotic. I feel angry and irritated and hopeless and lost.
Within a few days the sun is back, but I am skeptical and anxious. Can I start an outside project? Or are you just going to rain all over it and blow it away tomorrow? WEATHER??
I wrote my last post at the bottom of a huge fall. I know and knew that I will look back on it and wonder how in the world I got so far off the path. But I know sometimes you have to get off of the perfectly planned path in order to actually learn something of value. So, off I went. I let myself go.
But, like spring, I am slowly warming back up. I feel fresh and new and cleansed. I feel wounds that are open and still bleeding but the pain is gone. They don’t sting and they are healing beautifully in their own time.
I look at things differently now. Which is how I know something was accomplished in all of this.
I had to take a few steps back so that I could see the canvas from a different perspective. And when I actually looked at it, I realized how beautiful it already has become. I was just too close to get a good view of it. If I kept going in the same direction I would have messed it up completely.
I gave myself the time. I stopped criticizing myself for every choice I made. I stopped weighing myself. I started nourishing myself with what I think my body is asking for. I work out when I feel like it and if I don’t, I don’t. I listen to my body. I have been watching videos and reading books from inspiring people with wonderful information that will help me grow.
I believe I am becoming more me.
I struggle with not weighing myself almost every day. I still have cravings to binge. I am learning how to not revert back to the old me.
I learned that I need to listen more in order to be heard.
I have to respect the real me more.
I have to honor what my body needs.
I am always learning and growing.
I have to be open to learn anything that I am confronted with.
I need to be taught in order to teach.
I have got to stop, and breathe. Everyday.
And I have to buy new flip flops every spring.
There are some things that I have been hearing A LOT lately. Things that people will tell me after they ask me how and what I am doing to be getting so healthy and fit. I am not in any way forcing anything down anyone’s throat here, but when you ask, I will tell. It is not my fault if you don’t like what you hear. Now, I realize how far I am from perfect, and I am in no way claiming to know everything here. I am learning every day. But, I obviously have a little experience that shows, or these people would not be grilling me. Thing is, I am a true Pisces through and through and I HATE confrontation, upsetting people, or not being understood completely. This usually results in me not saying much if anything for fear of how it will be taken. My mind, on the other hand, is blowing the hell up.
So, I have decided to be true to my Pisces nature and produce a piece of art through writing here and show my feelings. This way I know it is out there and I will feel better. If you can “hear me”, I hope it helps you.
Here are the statements that I have heard the most and what I truly need to say:
#1 is the most common. “But I crave junk food too much. I am just not willing to give it up.” or “There is just no way I could eat LIKE THAT.”
This comment makes me so angry because there are so many things that these people are just plain blind to and refuse to try to see. Just the automatic closed minded unwillingness to even try to see something in another way that will help them live a happier healthier life kills my heart. I totally get it. I understand where they are coming from. I have been there. It is hard. It is daunting. It is overwhelming. But if someone would have been willing to help me step by step, uh, …holy listening!
It is almost funny how they say “LIKE THAT” like I am eating out of the trash can. I want to scream at them. The way I eat is one of the most loving things you can do for your body. The way I eat gives me more real nourishment and energy in one meal than you probably get in a week. When you start to TASTE real FOOD, that crap you call food loses it’s appeal. Not to mention the fat that your body will just naturally get rid of when you stop feeding it. Yeah, “LIKE THAT”. I am thinking that same thing about the way you eat. How can you feed your body that CRAP and call it food? How can you defend it as it is killing you? The fat you can’t get rid of is kind of your smallest problem, you are playing with your life as we speak, just because you can’t put down the damn Twinkies. Really?
This one, unfortunately, usually ends in my walking away thinking “Go ahead and eat yourself to death….good luck with that.” And it makes me sad.
#2 This is one that I used to say a lot. But now I see the light people!: “It’s not fair that she can eat whatever she wants and never gain a pound.” or “I just want to be skinny.”
Just let me start with the fact that it is very likely that this skinny person is “skinny fat.” There are people who just have the type of body that will stay looking thin. This does not mean that their body fat is any less than yours. If they eat crap, they are still extremely unhealthy and as close to getting cancer, heart disease, and diabetes as a person who is 100 pounds over weight. And if they are also inactive, I can guarantee that they have little to no lean muscle mass. Fact is, you HAVE to eat real whole food every day. You have to move and build lean muscle every day. That is the only way to nourish and maintain a lean, strong, healthy body. If you are not doing that, you are unhealthy. And do I really need to remind you that muscle weighs more than fat? We have to focus on our own personal strengths and nourishing and strengthening our own bodies. No one else is going to do it for us. Worrying about who looks “skinnier” than us only holds us away from our goals.
I love the way this picture shows proof that weight means little when it comes to a healthy lean fit body.
#3 Then there is the classic,: “I have no will power.” or “I am just not a health freak, like you.”
First of all, I never in my life would have thought I would be on the other end of that statement. Crazy. And that in itself should encourage anyone to do ANYTHING to improve their health. If I can do this….anyone can.
Second, I have NO willpower. At all. This has NOTHING to do with willpower. Sure, it is handy at first to get you motivated and start with a bang. But just KNOW it will wear off. It always does. This is why you have to plan and prepare and support yourself for success. You have to plan your meals and have them ready to eat. Take them with you. Schedule time to work out. Set goals and write them down. Look at and read motivational material. Get with like-minded people. Surround yourself with supportive people. And ingrain the need for your health deep inside your heart. YOU are all you have. And YOU are the only one who will give you what you want.
If you put a piece of chocolate cake in my refrigerator, that shit is going in my belly. I have NO willpower. I will say it a million times because it is the truth. Which brings me to another point. Be completely and totally honest with yourself. Lying to yourself is the worst thing you can do and it will sabotage any effort you try to make. So, if you do nothing else, just start with an honest statement about yourself. Own it. And then be honest with finding a realistic solution. I can not have junk in my house. I will eat it. All of it. Regardless of how I know it will make me feel and look. I will be pissed at myself and binge and hate every minute. But I can not stop it. I admit this, own it, and deal with it in the best way that I can. Daily. That is one of the most freeing things I have ever done. Try it. There is so much strength to be gained from just this one simple act.
This is actually really fun. It feels good to get this stuff out and I hope it helps some of you. As I have been typing, I have thought of a lot more. So, I have decided to do this post in two or three parts. Stay tuned my friends! There will be more to come!
And take a look at my Pinterest board for inspiration. I love all of these little sayings. They help me so much!
I have gotten many emails and messages from friends asking what my daily menu looks like. So, I decided to do a post about it to share with everyone.
What I eat every day in order to keep me losing fat and feeling healthy is different than what may help you. It also may have things you don’t like or can’t tolerate. I have fine tuned this for my body over the last eight months. It takes a long time to find out what foods hinder your weight loss and help. It took me a long time to figure out which ones I was sensitive to and had severe reactions to. So, what will work for you, may not be my exact plan. Make sure you listen to your body.
Bottom line, just make sure you start by eating REAL, WHOLE, CLEAN FOOD.
Here you go:
I eat about every two hours and around 5 or 6 times a day.
First thing in the morning I start drinking water and that is all I ever drink.
Within an hour I eat my “first breakfast”. This is usually my own hot cereal made with Flax seed meal, Chia seeds, coconut milk, Goji berries, and some kind of other fruit like diced apples or blueberries. (You could add cinnamon, which would be delicious but it does not like me.)
A couple times a week I will have the same things but mixed into plain Greek yogurt. I usually add a sweetener like Stevia to it though.
When I get hungry again, it is usually still morning time, so I call this my “second breakfast”. I love breakfast. This meal is usually two eggs and some kind of veggie. Sometimes I put the veggies in the eggs, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I have two or even three veggies. It gets crazy up in here.
Next is lunch. This almost always involves some kind of chicken and veggie combo. There really is so much you can do. This day I made myself some vegetable soup and added some chicken that I had baked and ready to eat. (always be prepared to succeed.) It was awesome.
Then it is time for an afternoon snack. This usually comes after one of my workouts so I like to eat a protein shake or something like that at this time. My favorite is Whey protein, frozen Mangoes, water, and walnuts. Sometimes I will use my juiced veggies instead of water. Sometimes I will just have the juiced veggies and something like a hard boiled egg. It just depends on what I feel like and what I have in the fridge.
Dinner is always something different because I have to mix it up for the family or shit gets crazy. I have posted a lot of the recipes on my recipe page. Check it out. I will add more soon. One of the things they love is my Roasted chicken dinner.
If dinner happens early or I just happen to get really hungry before bed, I will eat something like Walnuts and Goji berries or have more dinner if there is any left.
I do like to have a treat every now and then too. A quick and easy one is Sunflower seed butter on apples or Sunflower seed butter on Mary’s Gone Crackers with some raw honey. (I eat Sunflower seed butter because Peanut and Almond butter don’t like me.)
So, there you have it! I hope that this inspires and helps you in your daily food choices.
Have a healthy day! 🙂
Over the weekend, after I got home from my trip to Vegas to see P!nk, I hopped on the scale and was so excited to see that I had lost 3 pounds! Then I was even more excited when I realized that loss had brought me to my next goal.
40 pounds lost so far!
This last Tuesday was also my birthday. Seriously, how many more wonderful gifts could I have gotten this year?
I feel better than I did when I turned 25. Honestly, I could never have imagined feeling this good about my life, they way I look, the way I feel, and what I do. I know it’s corny and annoying to say, but it is true.
Sometimes it is hard for me to really believe that this is ME. That I am the one who gets to wake up every morning with this amazing body, feeling so great, and enjoy the wonderful people in my life. I get to do everything I ever wanted. I get to be whoever I decide to be.
I have been busy:
Writing down all of the food I eat, working out every day, planning meals and snacks, cleaning, working, getting new clients, researching, reading, laundry, cooking, dogs, kids, husband, life….. Oh and DUH! ….getting ready to go see PINK in Las Vegas! AH!
I am planning to take a lot of food. I refuse to let this trip pull me into “feeling like shit again” land. And so, I bought an insulated bag and I will be stocking that bitch with good shit.
I have learned a lot about the issues I am having with a few foods. Since cutting out everything I had thought might be an issue, I have not had any headaches, the rash I had is going away, and my heart only did its flippy thing one time. And that was after I tried a piece of Chocolate.
That’s what I said.
But, I am happy that I found some of the triggers, and now, all I have to do is stay clear of them if I want to feel good.
Also, I wanted to share a contest that I am doing over on my Facebook page.
Here are the “rules”:
♥ Just share my page with your friends!!!!
♥ Then share the post about the contest!!!!
♥ And finally, write a quick comment telling me that you shared and would like to enter the drawing!
I will enter you in a drawing to win a book of my choice! Probably one that has helped me so much in my journey so far.
♥ I will enter you as many times as you share!!!! So feel free to do it a lot! 😉
♥ I will draw a winner on February 18th!
I posted these on my Facebook page already. So those of you who are already following me over there, Sorry! Its just me again….again…if you are sick of me, then move along…
I just wanted to get this on my blog too. The progress I am having lately has been very much in inches being lost and next to no pounds being lost. This last month I lost 3 pounds but 5 inches. It is hard not to be disappointed when that scale doesn’t freakin move. But when that measuring tape does, it makes up for it and then some.
It is an amazing feeling knowing that I am building muscle and losing fat.
It is even better seeing those muscles start to show.
I smile every time I look in the mirror now.
Instead of sucking in, twisting, pulling, and feeling defeated, drained and angry. Then looking away and walking out sad and hopeless.
Now I look, and see more of the real me every day. I am amazed at the revealing of my real frame, relaxed, I embrace myself, I smile, feel full of everything wonderful, and walk away happy, grateful, and peaceful.