My comments on your comments. Part 2

You can read part 1 here.

Today, I will only do one because this one covers a lot and it will be long. Before I start, I just need to say I think it is very interesting that I hear these things from multiple people. It really proves how much the food industry has the majority of us brainwashed. I felt so empowered and proactive as I started making a conscious effort  to not let these assholes make me and my kids sick and be used in their money making game. As I started finding more like-minded people who supported and helped me find the right kinds of foods, I got stronger because the fog in my brain literally cleared. I cleansed my body of the chemicals and addictive processed crap. My body began to function the way it was meant to. I became a new person, and more of who I truly am.

This one is kind of touchy for most moms. I take it personally every time someone says these kinds of things because of my own experience (which I will share). So, my response to this subject is driven by my own passion and concern for my own children. When I hear it from others, it sparks something in me that is hard to subdue at times.

#4 “But what do I feed my kids while I am on this diet?” or “My kids won’t eat that and they’ll starve.”

Just let me get out of the way first of all that if I hear someone call this a diet one more time, I am going to freak the hell out. STOP. It just simply is not a diet. And that should answer your question about what your kids will eat. You are changing your LIFE. If it is good enough for you to eat, WHY IN THE HELL would it not be good enough for your kids? Is it okay to feed them crap just because they are getting something in their bellies? But at what cost? Does it honestly make you feel better knowing that they just got closer to getting obesity and numerous sicknesses because you were too lazy to cook them a nutritious meal? None of us have enough time in the day. None of us have enough patience every single day. None of us want to spend extra time and money to go out and buy healthy food and then prepare it all day every day. But how bad do you want you and your kids to stop being fat, unfit, unhealthy, and sick? For me, the need to feel better and do everything in my power to help my kids be healthy outweighed the want of a quick easy “meal”. The truth is there really is something to be said about taking the time to prepare nutrient rich, real food for you and your family. It is THE most loving thing you can do for you and the people you love. That is really ALL YOU HAVE TO DO. And it is NOT that hard to learn how to do after you really consider the pro’s and con’s. Part of this new lifestyle should be re-learning how to feed our bodies and souls. The number one way to do that is to prepare and have ready, real, whole, food for you and your kids. All day. Every day. You teach your kids everything they need to know about life. This should be on the top of the list, because it literally is a matter of life or death. PLEASE take this more seriously. It isn’t just a matter of easy and fast.

My son was about 20 pounds overweight when I started this change. We had just gone to the doctor for his check up, and we got the “talk” from the doctor about how he is overweight for his age. That moment was very surreal for me. And I kept picturing him in my mind as a huge fat teenager. My heart was breaking for him. And I felt helpless. My son has always been very lean growing up. He was starting puberty and in the phase right before a kid has a growth spurt so I, and our family and friends, just kept saying that that was the reason for his being fat. It would have been easy for me to just stay stupid, and pass the blame and play the victim. But, the voice in my head was screaming at me. That HONEST voice that we talked about before. I KNEW deep down, that this was all my fault. I am the one who buys his food and gives it to him. I am the one who offered him crap day in and day out. I am the one who was teaching him how to feed himself crap and how to defend it with a list of excuses. I was doing this because I was too lazy and unhealthy and ignorant to do anything different. It was harder than I could have ever thought to stand up, admit I was doing this to him, and tell him I was sorry and that we were going to fix it. I was driven by my initial motivation to get these changes started, so I ran with it. That kid jumped on board so fast, it blew my mind. All I did was change the type of food that we all ate. Within a few months he had lost over 20 pounds.

When I decided to start changing the way I ate, I refused to buy a whole separate load of groceries for the family. Instead, I started changing their favorite meals into healthy versions. I threw away trash bags full of crap. I found recipes for things that were sweet to help ease them off of the addiction. I was at the store almost every day at first trying to find everything I needed in order to make clean healthy food and pack them healthy lunches. And I did this all as I was sicker than I had ever been, going through my own withdrawal. As we all started seeing how easy it was and how much better it all actually tasted, it sparked dinner conversations about these changes and the snowball just grew from there. I love so much that now, if you ask either of my kids about the way we eat, they will tell you EVERYTHING there is to know about it. Because that has become one of the top lessons in our family.

I am so grateful for the health and wellness of my kids. I am so proud that I am doing the best that I possibly can to raise strong, smart, grounded, happy human beings. It is such a blessing to have grown within myself through that process.

I am the creepy mom that just smiles and hugs my kids at random times of the day just because seeing them healthy and happy is a constant reminder that we are winning.




Chocolate Chip Cookies Thank God


Sometimes you seriously need a damn chocolate chip cookie.

I am so grateful for the recipes out there that use real whole food to make them. For these, I used the one in The Wheat Belly Cookbook.

This book, along with the original Wheat Belly book have helped me so much to identify some of my biggest issues with not only weight loss but illness.

Almost every day I come across someone who swears that they can not live without wheat/grains and could not lose weight without it. Kudos to you. I am not one of them. I am grateful that I don’t have a severe reaction to wheat like some people, but it is for sure not my friend. So, this book was a wonderful help to me.

Though wheat is not my friend, I LOVE me some bread, cookies, cakes, doughy goodness yum. The cookbook has recipes for all of these! So far I have only tried the cookies, but if the bread is anywhere near as good as these cookies, then I am going to be good to go.


I even ate some of the dough. Do you know how long it has been since I have eaten cookie dough? Yeah…. It was amazing.

Considering the disaster that I made of my first attempt to make another recipe of cookies, I kicked ass on this one. I feel like I am learning to bake all over again. Which I am. I put in years of baking experience, and perfected all of the things I made. Then I had to forget it all and learn all over again.

But I am happy to.


The best gift

Okay, so those two cookie recipes I was all excited about kicking ass on and sharing with you did not happen. I tried to make them happen, but it was a no go. Just like everything else I am learning, this apparently will take time as well. I will not go into the details, but bottom line, I worked on those cookies for 5 hours and ended up throwing them all out.

Failure is the best way to grow. Am I right? Yes, I am.

Other than that, my Christmas was awesome. I did make a bean and Quinoa recipe that was good. My husband and sister loved it. I will post that later.

I did indulge and I ate a couple cookies and other little treats. I felt no guilt. I did feel sick though. And I am right back on track today. One other thing I noticed was the craving to have more sweets. Even though I didn’t want it in my body, there was a craving. More proof that the stuff IS addictive and triggers that cycle in our bodies. It was really interesting for me to go though that and feel it and understand it, and then kick its motherfucking ASS!

This month was also interesting for me because, though it is not over, I know I have not lost as much weight this month as I have been losing in the past months. BUT, I have lost more inches than I have in past months. And I feel like I look thinner. Look at these two photos! They were taken almost exactly a month apart.

Half way 4 418702_473226079390398_1561436220_n

I am only about one pound lighter in the second one, but a lot of inches smaller.

This is thanks to weight training. And my rock hard muscle is heavy, bitches! 😉

It is so much fun to weight/strength train and really be able to see and feel the changes in my body. When I would train before, when I was eating crap, it was always a let down to see myself just get bigger.

More proof that eating the right food is so very very important.

Like you needed more proof.

Along with a few other things, I learned to go through a holiday, enjoy it, and still stay true to my lifestyle.

Best. Gift. Ever.

The next step

I didn’t lose any weight this week. This was my “every other week” that my body has been kicking off at least 2 pounds on. This has been going on pretty much from the time I started this thing.

I am torn.

On one hand I am grateful for the change. I love change. It means I get to re-evaluate what I am doing. I have the opportunity to make adjustments and learn more about my body. it is like a little nudge letting me know that I have to change something in order to continue in the right direction. Or my body is just re-adjusting and I should embrace this.

On the other hand. FUCKING DAMN IT. I want to see that scale move! DOWN! FASTER!


What makes it easier to stick with felling #1 is that I think the reason I haven’t lost is most likely because I have significantly stepped up my weight training. (holy pain, by the way…) I have measured myself just to check and I have already lost an inch in my waist in about a week. So, even though no weight has come off, I am smaller. And that means I am building muscle and that means it is going to cancel out any fat loss that shows up on the scale.

This is what I am telling myself.

Over and over and over and over….


Also, to help myself feel better, I tried on those “next size down” jeans that have been waiting in my closet. I had tried them on a few weeks ago and they were too tight.


I laid a pair of shorts I was wearing in September underneath the ones that fit now just to get a good visual.  jeans

So, I am encouraged and excited to see what happens when my body re-regulates and uses this new muscle to help burn even more fat!

Look the hell out.

Shit is getting serious.


Part of my journey

I worked out like a maniac. I could kick some serious ass when it came to hard core workouts. And I would, and then promptly go to the nearest fast food place and down a super-sized whatever-the-fuck. And then wonder why I couldn’t lose any weight.

I would starve myself for hours and then be so hungry that any and all reasonable decision making was no where to be found. And I couldn’t wrap my brain around why I always binged until I was physically ill.

I was sick to my stomach for the rest of the day, up in the middle of the night, on the toilet the whole next day, and had heart burn 24/7. And it never dawned on me that it might have something to do with what I was eating.

I would comfort myself with a bag of chocolate-sugar-chemical-shit and never connect the fact that my need for comfort meant so much more than a physically full feeling.

Going shopping meant loading the cart with boxes and bags of addictive, comforting, expensive, processed “food”. As soon as I got home, the shoving began.
That is, of course after I inevitably had a severe panic attack in the middle of the store. It was a good day if it wasn’t bad enough for me to leave and I could actually get the shopping done. When I would get back home I was physically drained and mentally whooped. And all I had to nourish my body with was crap and more crap. Still, I did not even suspect that the food I was eating had anything to do with my panic attacks.

I could not understand how people did it. I knew all the lingo… “Eat real food”, “don’t eat sugar”, “don’t eat processed food”, “eat more vegetables”…

I hated hearing those dumb ass people prance around in there size teeny-tiny’s proclaiming how the weight just “fell off” or “melted off” or “just went away”.

I envied people who could eat anything and stay skinny. Never considering that they too, felt like shit 90% of the time. I just wanted to be thin.

I accepted being big, chubby, thick, large boned, curvy, and chunky. Tried to force myself to believe that that is who I was. That that is what I was. I big girl who liked chocolate.

I gave in to the temptation every time it hit. Considering I was trapped in the addictive cycle of crappy food, that was pretty much constant.

I some how could not connect the need for good food and how to get it in my body with changing my life in the process. I guess it was a mixture of fear and stubbornness. Actually now that I type that out, I realize that that is exactly what it was. Fear. Of the unknown, of the challenge, of failing, of giving up what I know and thought I needed.

I really can not pinpoint what exactly made me finally dive in and buy a book about fat loss. By the time I started reading it, I had already gained enough motivation to start something. Anything. And at the time, my past experience told me it would be another “diet” and that I could MAYBE try to keep it off this time. I hadn’t even gotten through the first chapter when I realized where it was going and just started changing things in my life. The need to change finally out weighed the need to cling to what I was used to. And I ran with it.

I just decided to stop eating sugar and carbohydrates for a while. Had it not been for that deep motivation, there would have been no way I could have gotten though it. But it turns out that those two weeks where like a long deep tunnel that I scraped, crawled, pulled, and drug myself though. I needed this time to clear my head and body of the fog. Alone and empty, I was driven by the little flicker of light at the end that promised so much hope. I allowed myself to dream of things that I had shoved deep inside. The closer I got, the better I felt and the stronger I became. At the end of the tunnel was a mountain. Charged by the triumph of kicking that tunnel’s ass, I started up the mountain.

I think that I am at the top of the mountain now. I still learn new things about my wellness everyday and hope to continue for the rest of my life. I don’t think this will be the last mountain and I don’t think the way down it will be a piece of cake (haha). But I am in the light. The air is clean and clear. The sun is shinning fully on my face. I am thankful for the journey. And I am ready to keep going.

The Binge Bitch

I have had to really dig deep into my bag of tricks this week. For the first time in the four months since I have changed my eating, I have cravings to binge. Oh, and I want to get it done. I want to eat a dozen donuts. I want to stuff my face with garlic bread. I want the texture of a cake in my mouth. I want sugar and candy and a freakin Cadbury Screme Egg! (seriously, they come out with those NOW?)

I was waiting for this to happen. My weakness is not a certain food, exactly. I just would binge myself sick. I haven’t felt anything this strong yet, so I am trying my hardest to figure out exactly what is causing it so that I can add to my back up plan. I want to know exactly what to do the next time this happens.

So far I have tried indulging in healthy versions of treats, trying to make sure I am too full of veggies to eat anything else, reading, walking, working out, taking a bath, cleaning and playing on Pinterest (which is where I learned to start counting down from your current weight to your goal weight. This actually helped me today.)

At first, the withdrawal from sugar was so fresh in my mind that all I had to do when I started thinking about sugary food was remember how it felt to stop eating it and I literally got sick to my stomach and didn’t want anything to do with it. That is getting harder to do as time goes on.

I know that if I eat any of it I will feel like crap. I know I will regret it as soon as it is in my stomach. I am afraid that that binge monster will return. She is a nasty bitch. Once she is in control, there is no hope. Only regret and pain and guilt and sadness and sickness. But still, I find myself finding excuses or exceptions. And then I find myself talking to her and yelling at her to “FUCK OFF!”

I know I have to just embrace the feeling and not fight it. Fighting it will only make it worse and make me want to rebel and just binge and get it over with. To just let her win….again…..

I just don’t want to ever go back there.

I did a little better today, though I really don’t know what I did different. Maybe just because I am riding it out and it is passing.

I hope so.

A peek inside

Who doesn’t love to look inside other people’s refrigerators? When I started changing my diet, this really helped me. I loved to see the “behind the scenes” of people’s kitchens. I ended up with a lot of inspiration for what to buy. This ultimately helped with the shopping trips. I am a huge list maker, so planning my trips was not so hard. The hard part was hunting down all of the new ingredients that I was not used to looking for. Once I got comfortable with finding the new things, going to the store became easier and easier. I try to do a big shopping trip every two weeks. Then once a week for fresh fruits and veggies. Today I will show you the inside of my refrigerator and talk about what is in there. I will do my pantry another day because there is a lot to cover. Keep in mind, this is one week from my big trip and before I did my extra trip, so it is not stuffed full.

  • Top shelf: Coconut milk, Almond milk, Vitamin Zero waters, bottled waters – I have Coconut milk because Almond milk doesn’t like me. The kids use the Almond milk. The Vitamin Waters are free of almost everything and the kids and my husband drink them on occasion, when they want something besides water. The waters are what I pack in my sons lunches because the kid could not keep a water bottle if his life depended on it.
  • Second shelf: Lettuce, spinach, zucchini, squash, carrots, eggplant, random half cut-up veggies – This is pretty much the veggie shelf. Easy and good to go, as veggies are.
  • Third shelf: Random left over food, sour cream, Parmesan cheese, plain greek yogurt, kids greek yogurt – Anything I have left over never usually lasts very long. I pack the kids yogurts in my son’s lunches.
  • Top drawer: Eggs – Lots and lots of eggs. Usually organic and fresh eggs. Love me some eggs.
  • Second drawer: Ham, string cheese, block cheese – Sometimes this drawer gets loaded down because it holds all of the cheese and sandwich making meats. I usually have pepperoni in here too. I like the block cheese because the shredded kind that you buy has corn and potato starch in it to keep from clumping and that just irritates me. 😉
  • Bottom drawer: Fresh meat – Usually this meat is thawing from the freezer.
  • Door: Butter, cream cheese, random condiments, Flax seed oil, salsa, sugar free jams and jellies, natural peanut butter, unsweetened applesauce, mayo, mustard – All used very little and/or sugar free.

I hope this helps you or inspires you.

Or at least satisfies your need to look inside someone’s fridge.