This spring has reminded me a lot of what I have been going though. One day it is sunny and warm and filled with hope and joy and promise of more warmth. I walk outside for hours and smile all day long. I am motivated and inspired and getting tan.
Within a few hours it is raining and overcast and dreary and lonely. I stay inside and am listless. I feel lazy and bored and stuck.
Then the wind blows and everything is everywhere. I am confused and chaotic. I feel angry and irritated and hopeless and lost.
Within a few days the sun is back, but I am skeptical and anxious. Can I start an outside project? Or are you just going to rain all over it and blow it away tomorrow? WEATHER??
I wrote my last post at the bottom of a huge fall. I know and knew that I will look back on it and wonder how in the world I got so far off the path. But I know sometimes you have to get off of the perfectly planned path in order to actually learn something of value. So, off I went. I let myself go.
But, like spring, I am slowly warming back up. I feel fresh and new and cleansed. I feel wounds that are open and still bleeding but the pain is gone. They don’t sting and they are healing beautifully in their own time.
I look at things differently now. Which is how I know something was accomplished in all of this.
I had to take a few steps back so that I could see the canvas from a different perspective. And when I actually looked at it, I realized how beautiful it already has become. I was just too close to get a good view of it. If I kept going in the same direction I would have messed it up completely.
I gave myself the time. I stopped criticizing myself for every choice I made. I stopped weighing myself. I started nourishing myself with what I think my body is asking for. I work out when I feel like it and if I don’t, I don’t. I listen to my body. I have been watching videos and reading books from inspiring people with wonderful information that will help me grow.
I believe I am becoming more me.
I struggle with not weighing myself almost every day. I still have cravings to binge. I am learning how to not revert back to the old me.
I learned that I need to listen more in order to be heard.
I have to respect the real me more.
I have to honor what my body needs.
I am always learning and growing.
I have to be open to learn anything that I am confronted with.
I need to be taught in order to teach.
I have got to stop, and breathe. Everyday.
And I have to buy new flip flops every spring.
I have been busy:
Writing down all of the food I eat, working out every day, planning meals and snacks, cleaning, working, getting new clients, researching, reading, laundry, cooking, dogs, kids, husband, life….. Oh and DUH! ….getting ready to go see PINK in Las Vegas! AH!
I am planning to take a lot of food. I refuse to let this trip pull me into “feeling like shit again” land. And so, I bought an insulated bag and I will be stocking that bitch with good shit.
I have learned a lot about the issues I am having with a few foods. Since cutting out everything I had thought might be an issue, I have not had any headaches, the rash I had is going away, and my heart only did its flippy thing one time. And that was after I tried a piece of Chocolate.
That’s what I said.
But, I am happy that I found some of the triggers, and now, all I have to do is stay clear of them if I want to feel good.
Also, I wanted to share a contest that I am doing over on my Facebook page.
Here are the “rules”:
♥ Just share my page with your friends!!!!
♥ Then share the post about the contest!!!!
♥ And finally, write a quick comment telling me that you shared and would like to enter the drawing!
I will enter you in a drawing to win a book of my choice! Probably one that has helped me so much in my journey so far.
♥ I will enter you as many times as you share!!!! So feel free to do it a lot! 😉
♥ I will draw a winner on February 18th!
I feel like Fall has taken hold of me. I love the change. It inspires something beautiful and refreshing inside of me. This flower reminded me of how I feel. Around it, everything is changing and withering. Everything is turning into something else and moving on. Right in the middle of it all, this flower is still blooming fiercely. Brilliantly and boldly displaying its beauty for everyone to see. Change will come soon enough. I just need to explode with one last bit of expression. I need to prepare for a wonderful transition.
While walking for the last few days I have been passing these bushes in full bloom and the bees are just covering them. The bush was humming and buzzing. Today I remembered to take my camera with me. I was so excited to be bale to catch one in flight. I was standing so close to them and they were totally comfortable. I love that about bees.
HAHA! I am still alive. I swear. 🙂
School starts on Monday for my kids. I have been watching a friends baby four days a week. My son is sick. The smoke from the wildfires has settled in the valley and my head is about to explode and I can’t breath. I have cut almost all sugar from my diet and started my whole family on a clean eating lifestyle. I have lost 11 pounds so far. I workout every day. We have Back to School orientation for my son tonight. I have been driving my daughter to her new job because she doesn’t have her license yet. My husband passed yet another kidney stone. And I have to go get dinner in the crock pot or we will all starve tonight.
The glimmering plush look of the petals takes my breath away every single time I look at it.
…with spring and light and warmth.
Fresh and clean and new.
Bright and deep and promising.
I am in love.