Spring againPosted: April 13, 2013
This spring has reminded me a lot of what I have been going though. One day it is sunny and warm and filled with hope and joy and promise of more warmth. I walk outside for hours and smile all day long. I am motivated and inspired and getting tan.
Within a few hours it is raining and overcast and dreary and lonely. I stay inside and am listless. I feel lazy and bored and stuck.
Then the wind blows and everything is everywhere. I am confused and chaotic. I feel angry and irritated and hopeless and lost.
Within a few days the sun is back, but I am skeptical and anxious. Can I start an outside project? Or are you just going to rain all over it and blow it away tomorrow? WEATHER??
I wrote my last post at the bottom of a huge fall. I know and knew that I will look back on it and wonder how in the world I got so far off the path. But I know sometimes you have to get off of the perfectly planned path in order to actually learn something of value. So, off I went. I let myself go.
But, like spring, I am slowly warming back up. I feel fresh and new and cleansed. I feel wounds that are open and still bleeding but the pain is gone. They don’t sting and they are healing beautifully in their own time.
I look at things differently now. Which is how I know something was accomplished in all of this.
I had to take a few steps back so that I could see the canvas from a different perspective. And when I actually looked at it, I realized how beautiful it already has become. I was just too close to get a good view of it. If I kept going in the same direction I would have messed it up completely.
I gave myself the time. I stopped criticizing myself for every choice I made. I stopped weighing myself. I started nourishing myself with what I think my body is asking for. I work out when I feel like it and if I don’t, I don’t. I listen to my body. I have been watching videos and reading books from inspiring people with wonderful information that will help me grow.
I believe I am becoming more me.
I struggle with not weighing myself almost every day. I still have cravings to binge. I am learning how to not revert back to the old me.
I learned that I need to listen more in order to be heard.
I have to respect the real me more.
I have to honor what my body needs.
I am always learning and growing.
I have to be open to learn anything that I am confronted with.
I need to be taught in order to teach.
I have got to stop, and breathe. Everyday.
And I have to buy new flip flops every spring.