I have had to really dig deep into my bag of tricks this week. For the first time in the four months since I have changed my eating, I have cravings to binge. Oh, and I want to get it done. I want to eat a dozen donuts. I want to stuff my face with garlic bread. I want the texture of a cake in my mouth. I want sugar and candy and a freakin Cadbury Screme Egg! (seriously, they come out with those NOW?)
I was waiting for this to happen. My weakness is not a certain food, exactly. I just would binge myself sick. I haven’t felt anything this strong yet, so I am trying my hardest to figure out exactly what is causing it so that I can add to my back up plan. I want to know exactly what to do the next time this happens.
So far I have tried indulging in healthy versions of treats, trying to make sure I am too full of veggies to eat anything else, reading, walking, working out, taking a bath, cleaning and playing on Pinterest (which is where I learned to start counting down from your current weight to your goal weight. This actually helped me today.)
At first, the withdrawal from sugar was so fresh in my mind that all I had to do when I started thinking about sugary food was remember how it felt to stop eating it and I literally got sick to my stomach and didn’t want anything to do with it. That is getting harder to do as time goes on.
I know that if I eat any of it I will feel like crap. I know I will regret it as soon as it is in my stomach. I am afraid that that binge monster will return. She is a nasty bitch. Once she is in control, there is no hope. Only regret and pain and guilt and sadness and sickness. But still, I find myself finding excuses or exceptions. And then I find myself talking to her and yelling at her to “FUCK OFF!”
I know I have to just embrace the feeling and not fight it. Fighting it will only make it worse and make me want to rebel and just binge and get it over with. To just let her win….again…..
I just don’t want to ever go back there.
I did a little better today, though I really don’t know what I did different. Maybe just because I am riding it out and it is passing.
I hope so.
I have been loving me some soups now that the weather is cooling down.
I love the warm filling feeling they give me.
I love how much nutrition you can pack into them.
I love how easy they are to make.
I made this one in the crock pot. It cooks for 4 to 5 hours and fills the house with the most yummy smell.
Just add the following ingredients to the crock pot in the order listed and do not stir them up:
- 16 oz bag of dried split peas
- 1 cup cubed lean ham ( I leave these in bigger chunks because I like the flavor but not actual bites of ham in my soup.)
- 1 medium chopped onion
- 2 chopped garlic cloves
- 2 cups chopped carrots
- 2 bay leaves
- salt and pepper to taste
- 5 cups boiling water
After it is done cooking, take out the bay leaves and add your choice of broth until it is the consistency that you like.
I walk every single day. Rain or shine. I need it. Up until a week ago it was beautiful and sunny almost every day. I could easily go walking in the morning and wear a tank top. I got into a routine and started a great habit.
I have noticed after a while, I forgot about the need. It became a chore. I started to think of reasons not to go.
Recently it has been getting very cold in the mornings. It makes it hard to get motivated to go for a walk when you know you’re going to spend the whole walk shivering with a numb face.
Today I remembered why I went for afternoon walks in the winter. And I think it is time to start again. By about 3:00 it is usually not only warm enough, but beautiful. It is especially beautiful today, because there are such wonderful colors all around.
Today I couldn’t stop taking huge deep breaths and exhaling with such a huge amount of gratitude. Looking at the sky and saying thank you. I felt like the joy and peace was absorbing into me and then radiating back into the air.
Today I found a renewed sense of need for this experience.
It started freezing at night about a week ago. One of my tomato plants only started producing tomatoes a few week before that. Right before it froze it busted out a dozen or so tomatoes. What the? So, I harvested all the green tomatoes.
Then I decided to try my hand at fried green tomatoes. Which I have never made, especially in a healthier version.
My biggest issue was of course what to bread them with if I don’t want to use any processed bread product.
I just happened to notice Flax Seed Meal at the store and had wanted to get some for some other recipes anyway, so I grabbed it.
I used eggs to dip them in first and then dipped them in the Flax Seed Meal mixed with some garlic powder and pepper.
Then I fried them in Olive Oil until they were as cooked as I thought they should be.
I don’t like fresh tomatoes at all. I can’t handle them with anything or alone. I do LOVE tomato sauces, stewed tomatoes, and cooked tomatoes in almost anything. I am weird. I know.
I really liked the taste of these because there really wasn’t much going on flavor wise and the fresh tomato taste was gone.
I liked the mild taste of the Flax Seeds.
You could obviously add whatever spices you want and it would easily overtake the Flax Seed flavor.
I have a room in our home that I can call mine. I am free to decorate it with things for only me. When I got married and moved into a house to share, I lost that “My Room” experience. It really made me recognized the gift that my parents gave me when I lived with them. I got a room to myself and was encouraged to express myself in the decor of it. Even though they had to literally close the door at times because of my lack of cleaning skills, and my dad had to repair and paint the walls because I had left a million holes from the tacks that held my posters and magazine pages. My parents never forced me to have anything in my room that I didn’t want. They never told me to take out anything that I wanted to keep. I am so thankful for that and what it inspired inside of me.
Not having that anymore never really bothered me until recently when I started to really discover my need to be me. To personalize a space just for the interest of my desires. A place to put the things that mean something to me, and that I don’t want to share. To express myself freely. I love being able to have things surrounding me that inspire me in beautiful ways while I work, or just relax.
This is something I need and treasure in my life.
It is something that I am truly grateful for.
I have seen this on Pinterest a lot and it always looks so good. I mean, a crunchy snack that is GOOD FOR YOU? HELLO! So, I tried it the other day.
I did it without the recipe at first. I just did what I thought I remembered the recipe had said. 😉 So, I rinsed and drained the chick peas and dried them and rolled them in some cinnamon and Agave. Then I put them on a lined cookie sheet and baked them at about 350 long enough for them to turn a little brown. I had to leave the house to go on my walk, so I took them out and left. When I got back and tasted one, they were still soft inside. Um, I wanted crunchy! 😦
So, I went online and looked up the recipe again and it said I should have cooked them longer and added the flavoring stuff AFTER. Hey, I got the temperature right!
I put them back in the oven again, thinking I would keep checking on them and see how crunchy I could get them.
Guess who forgot all about them?
…Until I smelled smoke….
Well, they are SERIOUSLY crunchy now. 😉
I picked out the not so burned ones, and they were really good!
I love that you can also do different flavors, like garlic, or sea salt and vinegar….
I am looking forward to next time I make them. The one thing that my family and I miss is something like this to munch on. I have a feeling I will be making a lot of these.
Which is good because someone needs some practice.
All of this was given to me by friends who just simply had too much. To be thought of when they were wondering who to give these to, means so much to me. Food is one of the greatest gifts. It nourishes my soul to be grateful for it. It nourishes my body. It nourishes my heart because it is grown by people with love and given to me as a gift. It feeds me in many ways.
I was going to try a new recipe with them, but my family ate almost all of them before I was able to.
And they loved every bite.