Free

I have no picture for you today. I want to go on a walk by myself and take some new ones, but these days that is almost impossible.

What IS new and exciting is the way I feel. I already posted about how much clearly I can think and function. But it seems to be growing. And combining with my physical body feeling amazing. On my dog/baby I am watching/me walk this morning, I was really struck by how easy it all was. I was walking effortlessly. Truly loving every second. Though the dogs would see a rabbit and lunge, I could correct them, keep the stroller moving, keep my pace, and most importantly keep my composure.

I didn’t realize how much my anxiety and panic attacks were linked to my poor diet. I didn’t really grasp that all of the hard work I was putting into working out, was really pointless when my body was not getting the nourishment is was begging for. I couldn’t understand what people meant when they said things like, “You will get to a point where it is easier…” It never got easy, I always was in pain and exhausted after working out, or even just walking. That made it hard to continue doing it.

I am so thankful that I am experiencing this now. It is the most wonderful feeling. I came home and had energy to spare. I was not exhausted. So I did a twenty minute workout. And an ab workout. And then went on to do dishes and take care of the baby and clean the house and everything else I needed to do. I can feel the muscles working in my body. I feel the lightness of my step. I can stretch my neck and sit up straight and feel my core holding me comfortably. My back doesn’t ache. my head doesn’t pound. My feet don’t scream in pain. I don’t feel light headed. I don’t feel nauseous. I don’t feel panic and fear and weakness at all.

I feel strong. I feel happy. I feel clear. I feel capable. I feel relief. I feel love.

I understand.

I feel things I never thought were possible.

I did this. I did this for myself.

I will do this for the rest of my life.

 

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