While walking for the last few days I have been passing these bushes in full bloom and the bees are just covering them. The bush was humming and buzzing. Today I remembered to take my camera with me. I was so excited to be bale to catch one in flight. I was standing so close to them and they were totally comfortable. I love that about bees.
I have no picture for you today. I want to go on a walk by myself and take some new ones, but these days that is almost impossible.
What IS new and exciting is the way I feel. I already posted about how much clearly I can think and function. But it seems to be growing. And combining with my physical body feeling amazing. On my dog/baby I am watching/me walk this morning, I was really struck by how easy it all was. I was walking effortlessly. Truly loving every second. Though the dogs would see a rabbit and lunge, I could correct them, keep the stroller moving, keep my pace, and most importantly keep my composure.
I didn’t realize how much my anxiety and panic attacks were linked to my poor diet. I didn’t really grasp that all of the hard work I was putting into working out, was really pointless when my body was not getting the nourishment is was begging for. I couldn’t understand what people meant when they said things like, “You will get to a point where it is easier…” It never got easy, I always was in pain and exhausted after working out, or even just walking. That made it hard to continue doing it.
I am so thankful that I am experiencing this now. It is the most wonderful feeling. I came home and had energy to spare. I was not exhausted. So I did a twenty minute workout. And an ab workout. And then went on to do dishes and take care of the baby and clean the house and everything else I needed to do. I can feel the muscles working in my body. I feel the lightness of my step. I can stretch my neck and sit up straight and feel my core holding me comfortably. My back doesn’t ache. my head doesn’t pound. My feet don’t scream in pain. I don’t feel light headed. I don’t feel nauseous. I don’t feel panic and fear and weakness at all.
I feel strong. I feel happy. I feel clear. I feel capable. I feel relief. I feel love.
I feel things I never thought were possible.
I did this. I did this for myself.
I will do this for the rest of my life.
I love that this is what I have in my kitchen now.
I threw away the candy that was in the candy jar, and put fresh flowers in it.
I bought new bins and emptied old ones and filled them with nuts and seeds and sugarless baking supplies.
Some days my counter and refrigerator are over flowing with beautiful wonderful vegetables.
I ate a grape today just because it looked so good sitting in my fridge while I was getting my ingredients for my salad. It was so sweet and refreshing. I thought about how much sweeter fruit tastes to me now. It is my indulgence.
I smile when I walk into my kitchen. Nourishment is beautiful.
When I started this lifestyle change, I simply wanted to get rid of weight. I have made some serious changes, done a lot of research and done some major work and am finally seeing results. I am grateful for that. What is surprising me, is how I feel in my soul. What is amazing me, is what my life looks like to me now. What I never expected, was to feel so much powerful growth inside. It is like everything is finally clear. Everything is crystal clear. The clouded fog that I was dredging through daily, has vanished. I can feel my power. I can experience challenges through these new eyes. I see me for who I am, and I can say, with honesty, for the first time in my life, I love me. Deeply. I never could have dreamed that this could have been the answer to not only my weight loss, but to my lifelong bliss. I have a list of over 6 things that were a daily struggle or physical pain for me, that are now gone. Gone. Like I never experience them. Gone. I am losing weight. I am getting strong. I feel better than I ever have. And to top it off, as if that weren’t enough, my soul is blossoming into the real me. I have the strength to stand for what I love and believe. And I have the ability to enjoy every minute of it. I am uncovering myself physically and mentally. And I love what I see.