I have the itch to start my new garden. This year my hopes for it are high. Intentional progress will be made. This year we will not just “throw some seeds in to see if they start”.
The weather here makes for a good teaser. It was about 65 degrees last week. The air smelling warm and full of spring. A random bug flew through the air over my head.
Today I think the high is somewhere in the 40’s and the wind is like ice. Crisp and cold on my skin. The mountains are covered in snow.
This year I want to keep the garden full of things we will eat a lot of. Green beans, tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, sunflowers and I would like to try to grow some corn. I need to build some kind of climbing thing for the cucumbers and squash. That will also provide some shade because I have a feeling this summer will be a hot one.
I miss my lizard friend that helped me watch over the garden. Though, he didn’t eat enough of those little green things. That will be another mission this year. To find out exactly what they are and how to get rid of them and keep them away.
For a few more months though, I will daydream, make lists, and visualize.
The posts are in our yard.
Some, in the ground already.
Ready to support the fence.
Ready to keep the dog safe.
They are ready to be a base for a gate.
Ready to give privacy.
Hopefully this gets done soon.
Unlike the bathroom.
Lola: Seriously? …Okay….go ahead….
This is my good side…..
…and looking FIERCE…
….are we done? …so over it…
Hello? I have shit to do……put it away!
Me: “You are such a diva.”
The colors, textures. The way it makes me feel just to see it.
The universe creating beauty.
This is what it does best.
Expectations lost. I just tell myself not to have them, but my heart wants.
The day is scattered and has no barrings.
I find peace and gratitude in several small things. Small to most, actually, huge to me.
I celebrate quietly within my own world. My safe world.
Half ass wishes to people that deserve better from me.
Inspiration from those who I adore.
Left empty and unfulfilled.
Love….to be loved….I ache for it still.
What and who will extinguish this need, thirst, and want. And when?
I want for more than the end of the need. I want for the opportunity that I hope can someday exist.
I am never happy for an ending of a day. I always find a reason to linger in it a bit longer.
Today hurt my heart. Hurt my soul.
It is okay because I also know that I am strong. I am stronger than anyone knows.
I will have a fresh start tomorrow. There is promise and love and joy in that.
I am glad this day is over.
Listen to it.
I am very thankful that someone expressed how I feel about today so perfectly.
This is a wonderful Valentines Day present for me.
I will be going with Ted to his doctor appointment today. Now, if that isn’t a wonderful way to spend any Valentines Day, I don’t know what is.
Why can’t every day be a day of Love? I decided it can…..so there.
Sometimes I don’t feel like telling anyone about my day, or my life. Sometimes I don’t want to share my pictures and expressions.
Those things can be mine. All mine. Those things can inspire only me, and ignite something within me and I can keep all of the outcome for myself. That is what I want right now.
I don’t want any of it to be tainted my others. Other peoples thoughts, ideas, judgements.
I don’t want to be waited on. Forced to produce. It won’t be real that way.
If I keep it inside, I control how it effects. How it should feel. How it was meant to feel.
That is the only way.