AlonePosted: December 13, 2011
When I am alone, it reminds me to think about how different I feel, think, and act when people are around me. Depending on the people, of course, and environment. And the kind of mood that is surrounding me.
What is interesting is how fast I can go from one to the other. I would not have thought of my self as a very adaptive kind of person, but when I think about the way I adjust so quickly to these kinds of things, it is obvious that I can be, I guess at times, very adaptive.
People have told me that they fear that I will get hurt because when I am around someone for long periods of time I totally give them everything. They become a huge part of my life. Consume a huge part of my day to day thought process. And the hurt has happened before. This was true for a while. And this is what has helped me to adapt myself to the company of others and still stay true to me.
I think it is rare and valuable, the way I give myself to people. I am happy that I have only regulated it and not lost it.
When I am alone, I regulate my mood easily. I accept feelings and circumstances quickly. Answer questions in my head with ease and fluidity.
When people are around, they effect this tremendously. As I get older, it gets easier, but there is always such a stalling, second guessing feeling that I have a hard time working through when talking to other people.
I have noticed these things when I am alone. I notice a lot when I am alone. This is one of the reasons I think alone time is so precious and important to me.
I remember a time in my life that being alone was such a scary idea to me. I would run through the halls at school after the bell rang to make sure I would be able to find someone to go to lunch with, or ride home with.
There is such a difference between then and now. Now, when there is an opportunity to be alone I relish it and find myself rushing towards it, finding a way to escape.
I feel the most free when I am alone.