This timePosted: November 29, 2011
I am glad that I know better now. I am thankful for the knowledge I have in my possession which I can use to keep myself afloat. I recognize what this is and therefore it is extinguished before it can become destructive. But sometimes I miss my old friend. Sometimes I long for the release. I am quickly reminded that it was one of those things that seemed good at the time. Nothing good really comes from it. The opposite actually. Maybe my kid inside is still just plain conditioned to throw a fit. It is in my nature to whine. I would love to let her out. To cry, yell, moan, rant, and rave. To scream and make a scene. It is consuming though and I know the consequences. An indulgence is tempting. An outlet is needed. I have buried it before. The outcome is unpleasant. I am thankful for a creative way to express it now. Though, the thought is still there. People are easy to criticize when I am in this state of mind. Pulling away is just another way of expressing this rebellion. Again I am reminded to accept and acknowledge and it disintegrates. For now.